Moving On
by ClevernessRenamed
Summary: Because that's what he does.Apparently even my Character studies can't keep from turning shippy. This is just major Doctor character study on my part and then suddenly it turns into DoctorRose. Woopdeedoo


A/N: Started as a character study for the Doctor (seriously, it did.) but then it turned into major angst Doctor/Rose so I decided to dub this my "Farewell to Rose" fic because I really need to understand that she's not coming back. Okay, need to stop rambling on now. Have fun. Or.. try to.. Or.. not.

Moving on.

That's what he was always doing. Moving from one place to another, not stopping at any time, god forbid he get hooked to something.

That's what he'd planned from the beginning. But doing it alone was no fun. So he had asked someone to come along. But in the end everyone eventually left, died or was left behind. He had known it would happen. Every time he let someone on his ship, they would eventually not be there anymore. They had mattered, but his nature told him to shake his head and look forward and not back.

Because looking back would mean he'd have to face them.

Time went on and he got used to having a presence in the TARDIS that wasn't just him. Companions came and went, each of them giving him the friendship he didn't deserve. And yet no matter how many companions he used to cover up the holes that he felt, they were still there. It didn't seem fair that they should give him so much and he just brush them aside.

Even his people were still out there, but he never wanted to stay with them simply because he didn't like their rules.

Rules that said he had to be this. Had to be that. He didn't need some ridiculously dressed pompous git telling him what to do. So he'd left. Every time. And he didn't miss them. He could still go back whenever he wanted. He just… didn't. He only went when he had to. If they summoned him. And still he only went because he was already on their bad side and he didn't have to go making it worse. Well actually he wasn't sure what side he was on. On one hand they did consider him an exile renegade Time Lord with a hijacked TARDIS, but on the other hand they had been saved by him several times. It was a grudging, 'grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it' kind of liking that he supposed wasn't a liking at all.

Then Romana came along and things changed. All the other companions… the humans… they would have to leave sooner or later. Get on with their lives. But Romana was also a Time Lord (Lady). He thought that maybe she'd stay longer with him.

But still, she left.

And still, he moved on perhaps realizing a bit clearer now that no one could stay forever. Not even one of his own kind.

Adric died and he realized a bit clearer how fragile humans are and how they die so quickly.

Grace had left him before she had come and he realized even more that not everyone wanted to live his life.

But he continued traveling, meeting companions.

Then the Time War happened.

His people, who he had taken for granted, were gone. If he had felt lonely before, he had no idea what this feeling was. There was no one. Absolutely no one. His whole race gone. Vanished. Kaput.

And for once in his life, he didn't immediately find a companion. No. He didn't need to lose anyone anymore. He had enough of that. He'd save and go. No invitations, they could all just bugger off. Ask him about the TARDIS, who he was, where he was from, but they weren't invited.

His fondness for humans lessened. Stupid, useless, ignorant apes, they were. Why should he have any sympathy for the bunch? They just go about their lives, completely oblivious to the fantastic universe, talking on their stupid cell phones as if it was the only thing they could do.

Save and go. It was becoming a routine that he wasn't sure why he kept following. If he really thought humans were so daft, why did he go around saving them? To be honest, he didn't know. Maybe deep down, he still had a soft spot for this negligible planet. Maybe it had just become a habit. Running in, destroying the current alien threat and running out before anyone could get a word in between.

And he had been doing just that when he had walked into that department store called Henricks. He had walked in, when the store was closed and no one was around. All fine. No one to drag out, no one to slow him down as he did his mission. Destroy the Autons and get out. He had been too late for one person, but he didn't care. He couldn't change what had already happened. What mattered was that everyone else was safe. If there was anyone still there, he'd save them.

Then he met her. Just like everyone else. Just a stupid human who had entered the wrong situation at the wrong time. He'd grabbed her hand and dragged her along, knowing that following him was her only choice. Then he'd dragged her outside, said goodbye and blown up her job.

And then he'd forgotten about her like he did everyone and continued his mission.

He met her again, totally by coincidence and she did what everyone else had done. Demand answers. He answered them and left.

Then he met her again. And this time, he let her into his ship. Only to save her, he'd told himself. She'll be gone when I'm done. She'd demanded more answers and he answered them. Then she told him that he was so alien and he brushed it off. Of course he was an alien. He'd just said so.

Then she did something no human had done in a long time. She saved his life.

She had no clue what he was, just that he was alien. He had blown up her job and 'killed' her boyfriend. Yet unlike all the daft apes out there, she'd saved his life instead of running away.

So he invited her along. But she declined so he left. And yet, he didn't want to just leave her behind. She seemed like one of the few decent human beings out there and he did kind of miss having company. So he went back and gave her a second chance and this time she said yes.

She showed as much compassion as most of his companions had done. Even to aliens that had tried to kill her. Sympathy for everything. That was her.

Eventually, he realized that couldn't say no to her. She wanted it, she got it. If she couldn't get it, he'd get it for her anyway. But she hardly ever asked for anything special from him and that's what he started to love about her. Even when she had nearly destroyed the world, it had been for an unselfish cause.

She was living proof that there were _humans_, good, wonderful, fantastic humans in the world.

And somehow falling had become fallen.

Then came Satellite Five.

If saving her meant losing her, then so be it. He lost her. But she still came back. She couldn't –no… _wouldn't_ leave him. And why not? What had he done that had been so special? She saved his life for no reason and now she was going to die. Just like everyone else. Too soon. He didn't want to let her go.

So he saved her and changed. Right in front of her. In someway he was regretful that she had been awake during his regeneration. Changing faces before her eyes wasn't something she was used to. But in another way, he was glad she had been awake because she would know that it was still him.

His next regeneration understood the situation better. He understood that she wouldn't last forever. He showed her that. He'd let someone else on board without her permission so he could show her that it wouldn't always be just them. He'd allowed himself to fall in love with someone else. She saw her mother die and understood what it was like to lose someone she loved.

And even through all that, he didn't want to let her go. And the more he pushed her away, the easier they became separated. The more they got separated the more he didn't know what to do.

But she still grabbed his hand and told him she was staying. And he was glad. He was becoming soft and he knew it, but he didn't care.

He cared that her one presence seemed to make the TARDIS fuller than ever. He cared that when he was starting to go too far, she'd grab his hand and tell him to stop. He cared that he had a hand to hold when he felt lonely. He cared that even after all the times he had put her life in danger, she still stayed.

She was healing him and she didn't even know it.

Then came the army of ghosts. Then came Torchwood and the War.

He sent her away like last time, wanting her safe. But she came back. She always did. She stood there, telling him again that she wouldn't go and he was happy.

Everything was going right, the Daleks and Cybermen were getting pulled in…

And just like that… everything went wrong.

She had started to fall into the void and he couldn't do anything about it. It had crossed his mind to simply let his handle go and grab her because any kind of hell would be bearable with her. But before he could do just that, Pete came and swept her away. The Rift closed, his insides became numb and he stood there, telling himself that she would come back like she always did. But she didn't.

The best he could do was say good bye. So he did. Started a supernova just to see her again. But he couldn't even tell her how much she had meant to him and after all he had done to prepare for this moment, it hurt.

He hadn't known that losing her would hurt this much.

He'd lost so many companions, he'd lost his whole race, but that hadn't been enough. He'd had to lose her too.

She had told him that he was so alien when they had first met. Now he felt so human.

But he wipes his tears and moves on because that's what he does.

And he realizes a bit more clearly that just because he loves someone, it doesn't mean they stay.

The ship had seemed so full with Rose's presence, but he turns around now…

And the TARDIS is empty again.

END.


End file.
